#YesAllWomen: Yes, All Men Should Read It

Today, in response to yet another horrifying act of violence against women, women all over the world took to Twitter to tell their stories of misogyny and inequality. Their tweets range from the genuinely tragic to the depressingly everyday, and I struggled to find a single one that I didn’t identify with on some level. It often takes extreme events like today to start real conversations about gender based violence and discrimination, but the trend #YesAllWomen showed just how much women’s everyday lives are steeped in it. Yes, all women.

The Women Who Spoke Out

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Those Who Missed The Point

Depressingly, some of these are women.

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Those Who Proved The Point

Even more depressingly, so are some of these.

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(Seriously, what even is this one? How about “You can’t hit me, I’m a person, and that’s illegal)

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What a catch.

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Super original. Did you come up with that yourself?

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The Men Who Nailed It

Just in case all that has left you despairing for humanity, let’s hear it for the guys who got it.

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This guy is my new personal hero.

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A Big Sister’s Duty: The Stuff No One Else Will Tell You

Today, I watched the Miss Representation documentary. If you haven’t seen it yet, please go watch it. It is so awesome, despite a really spacey, strange occasional voiceover.

Within nine minutes of pressing play, I was bawling my eyes out. Listening to a high schooler’s voice crack in pain as she described how her little sister cuts herself because she hates her body resonated all too clearly. As far as I know, neither of my sisters has ever hurt themselves, thank goodness. But the thought of the bullshit they’re going to have to endure just by virtue of being female is genuinely painful. With one getting ready to go to uni next year, and high school not too far away for the other, I know that they’re going to have to go through some pretty hard times, and that, being girls, they’re going to be told to think and feel and be certain ways, or face punishment.

So I’ve got a few messages for my two incredible, inspiring, strong baby sisters, based on my experiences of being a laydee, which I hope will help get them through the hard times.

Warning to family members: there will be discussions of S-E-X and other such girly things in this post.

fskLet’s start with your body, because honestly, that’s what lots of people are going to do. People will judge you because of your body, they will assume that they know things about you because of how your body looks, they’ll tell you that your body is wrong, they’ll use it as a weapon against you, they’ll assume that your body is theirs to touch and comment on.

Here’s what to do with your body in response to that: don’t change a damn thing. You are not your body. This is really tough to remember sometimes, because we girls have it constantly shoved down our throats that the only way to be worth something is to have a body that confines to somebody else’s conception of what sexy is. But honestly, your body does not define who you are. It’s just a vessel that carries your beautiful heart and brilliant mind around from one place to the next, and as long as you are keeping it healthy and strong (whatever that looks like!), then it’s perfect. Everyone always tells you to learn to love your body. I’d like to take that a step further and tell you to learn to love the whole of you. Love how your eyes crease up when you tell an awesome joke. Love how your wobbly bits shake when you dance like a crazy person. Love how you throw your hands around when you’re talking about something you love. You are so wonderful, and you have way too much to do in this world to sit in front of a mirror worrying that your legs are too fat.

This doesn’t mean I’m telling you to burn your dresses and snap your eyeliner pencils. Wanting to look good is awesome, as long as you are doing it on your terms. Don’t let anyone else define your beautiful, ever. Look however you want to look. Wear plum lipstick at 11am. Go out barefaced in your raggiest old jumper. Buy that teeny tiny little dress you love. Wearing lipstick doesn’t make you an attention seeker. Wearing a leather miniskirt doesn’t make you a slut.

On that note, it’s time to get super serious. I really don’t want to talk about sexual assault, because I wish that it wasn’t a problem. But 1 in 5 women in this country have experienced some kind of sexual violence since they turned 16, myself among them, so we have to talk about it. Like I said above, some people think that your body is theirs to touch. It isn’t. Unless you want them to, of course (more on that later). No matter how you are dressed, how drunk you are, how many people you’ve had sex with before, what you’ve done with the person before, NOBODY is allowed to touch your body without your consent. Don’t think that you’ve led anyone on, or feel pressured to act a certain way because of how you’ve acted in the past, or because you’ve already said you would do something. You have the right to refuse, every single time, and if someone goes against that, it’s sexual assault. I don’t care if you’re blind drunk, wearing nothing but a tinsel bikini. This does not give anyone the right to sexually assault you. This line of reasoning is such total bollocks that I can’t believe it still exists, but it really does, so let me just throw a stat out for you: only 9% of rapes in the UK are committed by a stranger. You are 9 times more likely to be attacked by someone you know in a situation that you thought was safe. So don’t ever be embarrassed to set limits, know that anything to do with your body is your choice, and if something does happen to you, don’t you dare ever for a second believe that it was your fault.

Okay, onto (gulp) consensual sex. I’m not going to tell you not to have sex, because let’s face it, sex is fun, and it’s totally normal, and it’s a natural part of growing up, but I would like to offer one teeny bit of advice. Wait and do it with a man or woman that you feel really comfortable with. Not because it has to be special or because losing your virginity to a random person means you don’t respect yourself. Shockingly, I think that a woman’s sexual experiences are nobody else’s fucking business, and anyone who thinks that they are in any way relevant is a flaming idiot. Have as much sex as you want, with as many people as you want – whatever you are happy and comfortable with. But the reason I’d say you should wait for someone excellent, and this is something that no one will ever tell you, is that the first time is so very fucking awkward. It hurts a lot, and your body does loads of weird stuff, and so does your partner’s, and you really want to be with someone you can laugh with when your bodies press together and make that weird farting sound, rather than wanting to immediately die. Oh, also, always pee afterwards. This is another thing that no one ever tells you until you’re laid up in your GP with a horrifying urine infection. But that’s more mechanics that actual advice. And as Forrest Gump would say, that’s all I have to say about that.

Alright, that’s enough sex talk for one blog, let’s get back to you. Society tells people that women shouldn’t have a voice, and both men and women internalise that message. You will find that men interrupt you, talk over you, don’t take you seriously and use the mere fact that you are a woman to discredit you. And a lot of women buy into this too: they take men more seriously, think negatively about ambitious women and say things like, “Oh, I just get on better with men. There’s less drama”. Every one of these things is designed to make women shut up, and keep us in our place. To hell with that. You have a voice, so don’t be afraid to use it. Don’t be afraid to put yourself forward because some stupid societal structure tells you your opinion isn’t worth anything. I hate these structures, so I try to use my voice to change them. And if that makes some chauvinistic asshole think less of me, so be it. I speak up, so that the world will get better for you girls coming through. Pay it forward and speak up for the next generation. Don’t you ever listen to someone else’s idea of what you should be. Don’t try to be anything except yourself. When you write goals and wishes, focus on doing things, rather than being things.

One last thing and then I promise, I’ll shut up for a while. Be kind to other women. Don’t buy into that rubbish that tells you that ambitious women are manly, or successful women are bitchy, or pretty women are stupid and slutty. This is tough, because these stereotypes are pushed hard, every day, by a £71bn per year business. But we can be smarter than them. Just remember, we’re all complicated people, who are trying our best. Let’s be excellent to each other. I love you. You’re going to move mountains.

A 30 Year Political Career: About As Good As The Perfect Fruit Crumble

Those of you who have been frequently subjected to my rantings will know that I consider myself a feminist. As a result of this, seemingly innocuous activities can quickly turn into lectures (rants) on the injustices of being a woman in modern society. To paraphrase the great Francis Begbie:

“I’m no’ the kinda girl that goes lookin’ for a fight, but at the end of the day, I’m the one wi’ the liberal feminist agenda and he can get the fat end a’ it in his puss any time he wanted, like.”

Seemingly innocuous activities such as reading the paper.

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At first glance, all seemed well with this story. A woman rising to a position of political prominence, a headline focusing on her achievements, a photo byline that doesn’t mention what she’s wearing: tick, tick, tick! And then my eyes wandered up to the top left hand corner of the page, and a dark cloud descended…Life & Style?

I have a number of issues with this, but let’s start with the most obvious one. That being why, in the name of all that is holy, is this categorised as Life & Style? An article about the future of the UN, nestled in there between an article about the perfect fruit crumble and a piece on what the checkout girl is really thinking. As if, when women do it, politics is sort of an adorable hobby. A lifestyle choice, like a juice diet, or taking up crochet. Seriously, Guardian, get it together and stick this article in the Politics section along with all the big men.

Also, can we just talk about the fact that newspapers still have a women’s section? I mean I know I have a degree in politics, but thank you, newspapers, for creating a special section for me where I can read about whether teff is the new hot super grain and how to get a body that won’t send people running for the hills when I put on a bikini, without being bothered by all that horrible, boring news. Sorry for the absurdly long sentence, I just have a lot of feelings.

Now, to give credit where credit is due, the Guardian’s “Women” section does focus on women’s issues that I actually care about, like unequal pay, and the prevalence of rape culture. But, and I cannot ever say this enough times, there isn’t really any such thing as a “women’s issue”. There are issues which women are more qualified to talk about, but when we do talk about them, they shouldn’t be tucked away in a special section of the paper where only other women will see them. Binary gender roles are bad for literally everyone. It is in everyone’s interest to get rid of unfair, outdated, stupid standards of behaviour for both men and women. By qualifying feminism as a women’s issue, we’re giving men permission to ignore it. After all, it has nothing to do with them.

Women in Spain beating the recession by setting up a record number of businesses isn’t just of interest to women. Women in Afghanistan having more freedom in jail than they do outside of it isn’t just of interest to women. And the next leader of the UN certainly isn’t just of interest to women.

Sort it out Guardian, you’re totally harshing my mellow.