The Anti-Pinterest Guide To Getting Up In The Morning

how to wake up in the morning

This post is for the duvet hoggers. The just-one-more-push-of-the-snooze-buttoners. The people who could sleep for 11 hours and still take a nap mid afternoon. The people who have 40 morning yoga routines growing dusty on their Pinterest boards. Basically, this post is for the people like me.

We thought it would get easier as the mornings got lighter, but it just hasn’t. And this month, the clocks go forward, robbing us of a precious, precious hour. What’s to be done?

I’ve read a million articles that claim to hold the secret to bouncing out of bed in the morning. This is not one of those articles. I can’t turn you into a morning person, but I can tell you how I, the least morningy person ever, make my mornings more bearable. Wrap yourself in a blanket, stick on the kettle and read on…

1. Love rolling over and going back to sleep? Do that. 

For me, the best thing about a lie in is that sort of sleepy, half awake time where you can snuggle back into your duvet and just drift in and out of sleep. So every morning, I set an alarm for an hour before I need to get up. This lets me have a sort of fake lie in every day. Just remember to set an actual alarm for when you inevitably fall back asleep.

2. Give yourself something beautiful to look at.

I’ve started buying myself bunches of fresh flowers and putting them on my bedside table. This means that I see them as soon as I wake up, before I get the chance to get grumpy. Buy yourself some gorgeous flowers or put a photo that makes you smile by your bed. Again, it won’t make you bounce out of bed, but it might stop you swearing before you’ve even properly opened your eyes.

3. Cut out the unnecessary stuff.

In winter, I shower at night time because doing it on cold mornings makes me so miserable. I also don’t put on makeup on weekdays, because to be honest, I’d rather have the extra 15 minutes in bed. Don’t force yourself to do yoga, make smoothies or keep a dream journal if it’s making you miserable. Delegate to the night before, when you hate everything less.

4. But keep something nice.

Every morning, no matter how rushed I am, I always make time to enjoy my cup of tea. I will rush around like a mad person trying to get my clothes on and my breakfast made, but I will sit for 15 minutes minimum, sipping my tea and getting used to the fact that I have to be awake for like 15 hours now. Pick a part of your morning that you actually enjoy and dedicate some time to it. Take a long, hot shower, if showering in the morning doesn’t give you the sads. Read a chapter of your book. Paint your nails. Whatever you like. Take a little time away from being enraged at your own existence.

5. Do what you gotta do.

I eat breakfast in bed. Truth. I get up, get dressed, make my breakfast and then get back into bed to eat it. And why not? It’s warm and cosy and it makes it so much easier to get out of bed when I know I’ll be climbing back into it once I’m dressed. Hey, I didn’t say this list was gonna be pretty. If there’s anything you can do to make your morning more bearable, just do it. Ignore those people over there doing sun salutations and judging you. We fellow duvet monsters have your back. Unless you’re having a glass of wine to ease you into the day. Then we probably have to talk.

6. If you have a partner who is allowed to sleep later than you, leave them.

My boyfriend doesn’t have to get out of bed until after I have to leave the flat. And I hate him for it every single morning. That he brings me breakfast in bed at the weekends is probably the only reason I haven’t killed him in a fit of morning rage yet. I am exceptionally grumpy before 10am.

Have you got a secret to getting up in the morning? Tell me about it in the comments or tweet me @EscapologistGl!

How To Survive Long Haul Travel Without Looking Like A Bag of Spanners

The more astute among you will have noticed that I’m in Australia. Apologies for the perpetual online bragging, it’s just so damn pretty. Rest assured that within a fortnight, you will once again be regaled with thrilling pictures of my tiny, freezing London flat.

Unfortunately, to get there, I had to spend no less than 19 hours on a plane. A very nice plane, but a plane nonetheless. And since the general travel advice of flying business class wasn’t reeeaaally available to me, I decided to put together a guide for the monetarily challenged long haul flyer. So I guess that technically makes this a broke girl’s guide! So good at blog seriesing.

I thought long and hard, and packed myself what I think is a pretty excellent survival pack for the hazardous and terrifying environment that is an aeroplane seat.

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I’ll go through these essential survival items in completely arbitrary categories that I have just decided.

Cleanliness

Never, ever underestimate how much better a clean pair of socks will make you feel. I feel like a new woman when I have clean socks on, and that is the truth about my glamorous life in one sentence. I packed a clean pair of socks, clean underwear, a little roll on deodorant and my toothbrush. When you’re travelling for more than a day, this can really help to break it up and keep some semblance of normalcy in your routine.

Entertainment

For the love of god, bring something to do. I brought my Kindle, which, despite me being an old school book lover, is a total massive lifesaver in situations like this, and my laptop, having optimistically promised that I’d do a load of blogging on the flight. Instead, I rinsed a series of Life of Mars on the in flight entertainment. But I had the option, and that’s what matters. Bring a book, some knitting, some crayons…literally anything to distract you from the mind numbing boredom that is your life for the next 10+ hours. Also, it’s a good idea to bring some snacks, in case the aeroplane food is totally inedible. I brought a big assed bag of Thorntons Diplomats because I’m fancy (really because I got them for Christmas).

That I have classed food as entertainment is very telling.

Moisturisation

Where are my dry skinned girls at? For me, one of the worst things about being on a plane is coming off with pieces of your face flinging themselves from your body and fluttering to the ground like the world’s saddest, most disgusting snow. To avoid this charming Doctor-Who-villain look, I brought my tub of Inlight Organic Night Balm and my Palmer’s Cocoa Butter Lip Balm, both of which I have raved about on here before (moisturiser here and lip balm here). I was also lucky enough to be gifted an amazing travel sheet mask set by TT Beauty Masks, which contained a cleansing wipe, an exfoliating wipe and a nourishing sheet mask for gorgeous girls on the move. I busted this out after a horrendous bout of travel sickness during hour 17, and it was exactly what my poor, parched skin needed. The oily cleansing wipe soothed and cooled my face like a big drink of water, the sheet mask perked me right up and besides, who doesn’t love scaring the ever loving christ out of an air hostess by transforming into Hannibal Lecter? Also, I’d hope that this doesn’t need to be said, but please remember to drink some water. Buy a big assed bottle when you get through security and sip at it for the whole flight. Yes, it will make you need to pee – suck it up.

Medicines

Pack some painkillers and some Immodium in your hand luggage – aint nobody got time for travel sickness. I also keep some peppermint tea bags on me. Peppermint tea is an absolute lifesaver if you’re feeling a bit queasy, and settles your stomach right down if it decides to go for some stunning gastrogymnastics. It also has the added bonus of freshening up your mouth if you just can’t be bothered negotiating brushing your teeth in those tiny aeroplane sinks.

Comfort

As well as my nice clean socks, I also packed a pair of fluffy slippers, which kept me lovely and cosy and helped me relax a bit. Since planes are almost invariably too hot or too cold, I dressed light and took my big green scarf with me to wrap around me like a blanket. Comfort levels maximised.

Essentials

Remember to keep your passport and boarding card handy, as well as your purse, phone and any chargers you need. Also, if you have a stopover for a couple of hours, don’t be a rookie like me and forget to bring currency for that country too. The ability to grab a cup of coffee might just save your sanity and stop you hitting actual madness.

Pictured: actual madness

Pictured: actual madness

What to Wear

My priority when choosing my flight outfit was the ability to curl up in literally any position without getting tangled up or exposing my vagina to anyone. So I went for a pair of super soft leggings and a vest top. I picked leggings that were made out of soft pyjama material, because I find normal leggings can be very binding. There, I said it. Makeup: don’t even bother. Seriously, you don’t want it sitting on your face for 19 hours, and it’s never going to stay put anyways. Start with a nice clean face, and then pamper the hell out of yourself with sheet masks and fancy moisturisers. My hair is too heavy to wear up, but if you can, wearing it up is a great way to keep cool and comfortable.

My sexy, sexy flight outfit.

My sexy, sexy flight outfit.

Now, I’m not going to lie to you. I still had undeniably dark moments during our flight, didn’t quite manage to avoid travel sickness and did come off the plane looking a little bit like a bag of spanners. But taking care of myself during the flight has meant that my body bounced straight back and I haven’t been suffering with dry skin, jetlag or general ickyness during my holiday. And until they invent teleporters, or I win the lottery and can fly business class, that’s good enough for me. T minus one week until the return flight, keep me in your thoughts.