The Way That I Love

My love is chaotic. It’s a wild, passionate tangle. That tumbling, swooping delight that fills me to the brim and explodes from my fingertips. It’s both of us talking at once, filling the space between us with excitement and laughter and short, sharp bursts of outrage. It’s the fact that after six years, my heart still thumps when he walks through the door. It’s being dragged on tiny adventures when I’d rather lie in bed and cry. It’s pouting and thrashing and lashing out and having someone gently respond, “I love you”.

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My love is quiet. It’s a hand gently covering mine as I stare distractedly out of the window. The kiss at the base of my neck as the cup is placed by my side. It’s slow dancing in a freezing square, wearing twenty layers of clothing It’s noses bumping together, hands intertwining. It’s the sound of a page being turned. It’s a body pressed against mine under the cold sheets, pale light trickling beneath the blinds. It’s a whispered secret. And fingers in my hair. It’s pancakes. And soda bread. It’s the scent of jasmine. It’s the knowledge that in all my imperfection, I am enough. And that wherever he is, that’s my home. It’s the smile that tugs at the edge of his mouth when we run out things to say. It’s the perfect circle of freckles on his shoulder. And the kisses that fall like rain.

Love is my dad saying to me, “I’m so proud of you”. Love is dancing like my mum. It’s tearing across a beach with my sister on my back. The sound of ice clinking in a glass. It’s eating chips in our car by the seaside, because it’s too cold to do it outside. It’s old home movies. And terrible, terrible jokes. It’s telling my best friend that I love her, and wondering why I didn’t say it sooner. It’s butterscotch Angel Delight. And strawberry daquiris. And white irises. And the hot, bitter smell of gunpowder at New Years.

Love is my sister running across the playground towards me. It’s the corner of the kitchen where my brother and I learned to be friends. It’s Practical Magic. It’s the Emperor’s New Groove. It’s red lipstick. It’s my granny eating cake mix straight from the bowl. It’s ordering two bottles of wine on a school night because you don’t want to stop talking. It’s the exclamation, “I know exactly what you mean”. Love is realising that it’s not too late. That you still have time. That all you have to do is reach out a hand. It’s lying on the ground, staring up at a sky full of stars.

My love is the crinkles in my eyes when I laugh. My love is the way I tuck my hair behind my ear. And the way I can read until I’m drunk on words. And singing in the shower. My love is the way that I cry when I’m happy. My love is insignificant. My love is undignified. My love is beautiful.

And because of my love, my life is good.

Happy Valentines Day.

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It’s A Sister Thing

I talk about my sisters quite a lot on here, because they’re a massive part of my life. Especially Sophie, now that she’s old enough to have actually turned into a person and be good craic.

Just some classic sister bantz.

Just some classic sister bantz.

This year, I’ve ended up pretty far away from her, having moved to London within a week of her moving to St Andrews. But I never fail to marvel at how little things have changed. We still start conversations in the middle of conversations, as if it was only five minutes ago we were talking, not a week and a half. With that in mind, for your pleasure and entertainment, I would like to share ten actual conversation opener texts between Sophie and I.

1) The feet couple had another baby.

2) Lucy Liu is by far the hottest Charlie’s Angel.

3) OH MY CHRIST GIO IN THE RED SHIRT (Ugly Betty fans, reveal yourselves).

4) Remember that time dad mistook a plastic bag for you?

5) YZMA IN THE BIRTHDAY HAT.

6) The Swan Princess is such jokes. I hate you I hate you I hate you…oh wait, you’re hot I’ll totally fight to the death for you.

7)Remember Mighty Joe Young?

8) I thought pineapples grew on trees.

9) You know, I think Sarah in the Polar Express is kind of a douchebag.

10) Pope Francis is the best pope.

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I actually feel bad for the people who have to be around us when we see each other in person, because it’s basically guaranteed to be a two hour solid deluge of the above. We do occasionally talk about things that aren’t Ugly Betty or the Emperor’s New Groove, but if you’re trying to get in with either of us, those are probably a good place to start.

And don’t worry if none of this post has made sense…I guess it’s kind of a sister thing.

The Party of the Century

We had a big weekend this weekend, folks. On Friday, the little sister turned 18. Christ, that makes me feel old.

We rose bright and early on Friday morning for presents and the traditional birthday breakfast of champions.

Yes, my mum did make me sunshine pancakes on my 22nd birthday last year. That's what love is.

Yes, my mum did make me sunshine pancakes on my 22nd birthday last year. That’s what love is.

Juno got Sophie a disgusting, chewed up bone, because she loves her.

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And then a birthday cuddle.

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And then helped her open the rest of her presents.

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Really, Juno is the best family member. She puts us all to shame.

I wanted to do something pretty special for Sophie’s 18th, so I put a whole lot of thought into her present. I remembered a story that I made up for her when we were kids, wrote it down, made it better and turned it into a book!

Tah-dah! Look, that's my name!

Tah-dah! Look, that’s my name!

This was the moment Sophie realised what it was:

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It was excellent. After a very lazy morning, we were taken out and treated to a fabulous lunch at Jamie’s Italian in Glasgow by this guy:

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Sophs enjoyed her first legal drink:

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And then a few more legal drinks…

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Birthday cake number one arrived, in the unexpected but excellent form of a bread and butter pudding.

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Making a wish!

Making a wish!

And then, since it was a special occasion and we figured we could get away with it, we followed up the bread and butter pudding with the king of all dessert platters.

Have you ever seen anything so beautiful in your entire life?

Have you ever seen anything so beautiful in your entire life?

Absolutely stuffed, and with half an hour before we needed to be on a train home, we decided that there was definitely enough time to swing by the Hard Rock Cafe for a cocktail or two.

Our dad is totally a bad influence.

Our dad is totally a bad influence.

At this point, we figured we’d all had a bit too many legal drinks, and decided to slow it down a bit.

No, I’m totally kidding, we went to dad’s place for more champagne and birthday cake number two.

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Champagne from a teapot, because our living room is pretty much a speakeasy.

Champagne from a teapot, because our living room is pretty much a speakeasy.

We all headed back to mum’s to toast the moment that Sophie came into the world with, yes, you guessed it, more champagne.

A completely sober and sensible photograph.

A completely sober and sensible photograph.

The next few hours passed in a hilarious jumble of wriggling into party dresses, dancing to Beyonce and attempting to apply liquid eyeliner while drunk.

Finally, it was party time, and our enormous, mad family started to fill the party paradise that is our kitchen.

Behold my excellent decoration skills.

Behold my excellent decoration skills.

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You may notice that Sophie appears to be in both of the Jaeger photos.

By the time birthday cake number three rolled round, everyone was having a ball.

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We all danced the night away and the party continued until the wee hours in the morning.

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In fact, as far as I know, the celebrations are still raging on, two days later. Happy birthday, gorgeous girl, I know this is going to be your year.

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The Things I’ve Done

Well, that title sounds a lot more ominous than it was intended to. Rest assured, this isn’t going to be a confession to all the bodies hidden beneath my floorboards (as if I would tell you about those).

Instead, I’d like to share with you just some of the awesome things I’ve done since deciding to take control of my life about a fortnight ago. They’re all just little things, but to borrow a phrase from the young protege of my blog’s namesake, you mustn’t let a little thing like little stop you. I’m hoping that it’ll serve as a reminder to me of all the little things I can accomplish, and as a reminder of how happy these little things can make me. If any of you are feeling low, I’d recommend any of them.

In the last fortnight, I have:

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  • Learned how to make shortcrust pastry and used my mad skillz to bake a truly glorious apple pie.

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  • Dressed up real fancy and gone on a super romantic date with the boy.

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  • Accidentally drunk a whole bottle of prosecco in a single sitting.
  • Made a writing portfolio.
  • Made macaroons.
  • Gotten over 400 hits in one day, on a blog I thought no one would read.
  • Made my own stationery, and used it to send a letter to a friend in America.

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  • Watched a rainbow disappear and reappear from my window.

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  • Worked hard on a special somebody’s 18th birthday present (can’t tell you, it’s going to be a surprise).
  • Taken a beginner’s course in HTML and built a very beautiful website.
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Beautiful.

HTML is seriously fun. Typing code makes me feel like such a badass. Now, to learn how make stuff not look like that ^^.

I’ve decided that it’s probably time to stop letting depression kick my ass and at least make some attempts at kicking it back. I am from Paisley after all, I’d be letting the side down if I didn’t at least pan its windaes in. Maybe next I’ll learn a language. Or write an anthology of poetry. Or learn to swing dance. Or get a new job. Viva la Resistance!

Love Actually Is All Around

Well folks, in the time honoured tradition of Valentine’s Day, this is gonna be a soppy one.

I mean sure, Valentine’s Day is generally bollocks, and the whole idea of forced, plasticy romance makes me sad, but as a big romantic at heart, I can definitely get on board with a day dedicated solely to celebrating the people we love.

So this post is to serve as a great, big, mushy I LOVE YOU to the people who have stuck by me for some inexplicable reason, despite my frequent bouts of insanity and dimness.

The Boy

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This guy. He is excellent. He has pretty much saved my whole entire life this year, and continues to tell me that I’m wonderful and beautiful, even when I haven’t brushed my hair in five days, or am openly being a dick to him. If I could send one message back to my 16 year old self, it would probably be: don’t sweat it, you totally end up with an awesome, sexy Irishman who kisses like a champ, carries you to bed when you fall asleep on the sofa and makes the greatest shepherd’s pie known to man. Well done on being magnificent, Niall.

The Girl

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This is the love of my life. Since our eyes met across an empty Halls of Residence corridor four years ago, she has mopped up buckets of tears, made literally hundreds of cups of tea and ran away to Bruges with me, six weeks before our respective dissertations were due. I won’t say she kept me sane…it’d probably be more accurate to say she’s kept me nice and insane. She is ace.

The Partner In Crime

sophie

The whole fam are getting a shoutout in a minute (spoilers!), but this little one deserves a spot of her own. Like, I can’t even…my words aren’t good enough. Sophie, you are the absolute bomb and I love you so, so much. Kid, you’ll move mountains.

The Family

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I don’t think there’s a photo that has everyone in it, but this is pretty close. My family are literally everything. Every good quality I have is down to them. I know everyone thinks that their family are the greatest, but mine actually are. Totally mental, but undeniably the most wonderful, loving group of people a girl could ask to be thrown in with.

To every single one of these people: you are my soulmates. I love you with all my heart, unconditionally and forever. Happy Valentine’s Day folks, I hope your soulmates are as epic as mine.

Oh, I Do Like To Be Beside The Seaside!

Today, I decided to sack off the whole city living thing and go hang out with my grandad in Troon.

I carefully chose an “I-am-a-fine-upstanding-citizen” outfit and hopped a train to the seaside.

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This is me pretending to be a responsible young lady, who has her shit together and wears blouses like it aint no thang. I say “thang” now. Deal with it.

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I wore my awesome froggy earrings in honour of mine and my grandad’s mutual amphibian obsession.

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Blustery train ride.

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Blustery beach.

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Outside is overrated.

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5 Things That Got Me Through This Week

Man, February sucks, doesn’t it? Can anyone remember the last time it wasn’t raining/blowing a gale? I literally got blown into the road this week. In the rain. While it was dark. Worst.

But despite the rain and the cold and the overall feeling of crappiness, here I am, having survived a whole week of February. Here’s what got me through.

Having the greatest family in the history of the world.

Sorry that my family are better than yours.

Sorry that my family are better than yours.

My family are a group of bonafide complete nutters, the calibre of which I am an excellent example. They’re also probably the most wonderful collection of people who have ever lived. My mum, my dad, Sophie, Kiera, my granny, Sophie, the very un-wicked stepparents, my vast collection of aunts and uncles, Sophie, I will never be able to express how much I owe to you guys. Seriously, you are the cheese to my macaroni, the custard in my doughnut, the icing on my cake (I really like food, ok?).

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This video of a dog on a tricycle

This one comes courtesy of my favourite account on Instagram. If you like dogs, awesome photographs and things that are generally excellent, do yourself a favour and click here. I cannot stop watching this video, and it has gotten no less funny since the first time.

Scotland legalising gay marriage – or as it will now be known, “marriage”

Image: Larry Lamont and Jerry Slater take part in a symbolic same-sex marriage outside the Scottish Parliament in Edinburgh

It’s pretty tough to feel gloomy when your country takes a big epic step towards equal rights for all. A most excellent job, Scotland! And let’s be honest, who wouldn’t want to see these two dapper gents organise a wedding?

Creme Eggs coming back

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This Tuesday, I was having a particularly crappy day. I hate Tuesdays almost as much as I hate February, so it was never going to be great. And then the boy comes through the door with a three pack of Creme Eggs. I could have kissed him.

*Spoilers* I did.

Reading every beauty article this woman has ever written

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This is Alle. She writes for XoVain. I love her. She is lovely, and Australian, and really outstanding at applying eye makeup. She also has a great dog, which she shows off over on Instagram. Reading beauty articles and Insta-stalking someone may not seem like the most productive use of time, but whatevs, it totally makes me feel better. It’s like meditation, but it also makes me awesome at applying lipstick.

Forget the January blues, they’re so last month! Now, to get through the next three weeks.